written 12/15/2024
I pulled into our local Menards with my five kids crammed next to each other in our new-to-us 12 seater Transit. I looked back at their smiling faces as I turned the car off in our parking stall. I mentally prepared myself for this “adventure” we were about to go on, for the comments and looks I knew I’d get while my family and I enjoyed shopping and looking at the Christmas decorations.
I was not worried about my kids; even if they misbehaved I knew that I had a plan to handle that. However, I usually need a line or a phrase prepared to make sure that I am kind and gracious when people decide to make comments about the size of my family.
We were only three minutes into our shopping trip when we turned down the aisle and this gentleman and his high school-aged son gave a bit of a snicker and wide eyes when they saw me.
As we walked past them he looked me in the eye with a slight shake of the head as he said, “boy, you sure have your hands full!” Classic! Thankfully, I had mentally prepared for this, as I responded, “actually, they are usually pretty good in the store, and we are excited to go look at the Christmas decorations.”As if he did not hear me from less than a foot away, he continued walking.
Now, I want to be clear on this point. This gentleman is not the villain in this story, and I and my kids are not the victim. I understand that many people have different intentions with this phrase, and my intent is not to make anyone feel bad if they have ever said it before.
I use this gentleman as an example of the default position many people in our society hold: that many kids equals a lot of work.
I’ll be honest, I half-heartedly looked for this man when my kids and I were laughing and having fun as we all looked at the awesome decor for sale. I hoped he saw us, not to prove him wrong or “get back at him,” but because I dreamed that the sight of the smiles, giggles, and joyful conversation between my kids and me would open his heart (or galvanize a truth he already held) that there is much more to family life than the work that goes into it.
As we left the store, with this encounter in the front of my mind, I started to wonder if anyone in this store pictured the fun and beauty of having kids…and many of them at that!
Do they picture the good night kisses, the tickle fights, the silly conversations, and the uncontrollable laughter during family dance-offs? Or, do they only picture the dinners, grocery bills, dishes, and fights to break up? Do they properly picture a bit of both?
In our own hearts, mine included, this is a question we must ask ourselves. What do we picture when we picture a family? Our honest answer to this question may just help us better respond to all families and all pregnant women in a way that affirms the beauty that is hidden beyond the four walls of a family’s home.
As I loaded up my kids in our van, where they yet again slid right next to each other with many open rows and seats still available, these questions made me reflect on the life of Jesus in a way that has been very close to my heart during this Advent season.
Turning to the Bible, the only two Gospels to mention Jesus as a child are Matthew and Luke (Matthew 1-2; Luke 1-3). Matthew writes about Jesus’s infancy and His family’s flight to Egypt, and Luke makes it all the way to Mary and Joseph finding Jesus in the temple as a boy. The next story in both Gospels is Jesus being baptized by John the Baptist, which many propose happened when Jesus was 30.
STOP!!
Read that one more time and let it sink in: Jesus is born…radio silence…Jesus is baptized 30 years later. At His crucifixion, Jesus was 33, which means that at least half of Jesus’s life (if not more) was spent in a family.
The Lord of all, our Savior, who came on Christmas with a mission to free us from sin and establish His church on earth, felt it necessary to be with a family–His earthly family–for most of his time on earth.
And we know nothing about it. Nada, zilch.
The brightest minds, greatest theologians, and pastors can literally only speculate what Jesus’ life with his family was like from his infancy until he left Mary and Joseph’s home.
That should cause us to pause and reorient our thoughts on how important and powerful families are.
I am of the belief that everything we know about Christ’s life points us to a transcendent truth, and the fact of Christ’s mysterious family life is no different.
Christ belongs to an even more important family, the Trinity. I believe Christ’s mysterious family life on earth is meant to point us to the Trinitarian Love that He is inseparable from.
Imagine this: when we die, you and I are sitting in a huge circle of other people as we listen to Mary and Joseph tell stories about Christ as a child.
Maybe they talk about how the infant Jesus would walk on the bath water because He didn’t want to take a bath. Or maybe, they tell stories about how teenage Jesus taught them card games that weren’t even invented yet because He knew his parents would love to play them with Him. Maybe, they talk about the pure joy of teaching their son how to recite the Psalms, knowing that as they said those very words, they were given direct praise to The Son of God in that very room.
Now imagine, after all those amazing stories, your heart bursts as we start to understand how much love was in that Holy Family!
At this moment, Mary and Joseph smile and say, “that is nothing compared to what our Son has to tell you about his Heavenly family.”
As they say this, they reference the Holy Trinity itself. At this point, no human words can describe the joy, love, and peace that accompanies the full reveal of the God who is Love itself.
This reflection, and many, many years with Biking for Babies, has helped me reshape the way I view the family.
I used to, more often than not, view my wife and kids through the lens of how much work and sacrifice I would have to give them today. That is not a Godly heart, but a worldly one.
To be sure, God never denied the sacrifice and work of a family. Otherwise, His invitation for us to join His heavenly family would not have been, “take up your cross and follow me” or “Go, baptize all nations.”
However, He invited the apostles and disciples to see the unceasing joy that also accompanies being in His family, and for them to lead with that joy.
In my words to the gentleman in Menards, I offered an invitation. An invitation to see a different side of my family that maybe he had not considered. When my family comes up while I’m teaching classes in higher education, I always invite my students to imagine how much fun it is for me to come home everyday and be greeted by six intense, loud, and deeply loving hugs from my kids and wife.
My first takeaway message is this: invite people into your family life. I don’t care if that is as a grandparent, mother, father, sister, brother, half-sister, half-brother, church community, etc. Invite people into the love that you have in your life, and maybe our culture will stop seeing first the work required in a family, and instead see first the profound joy of belonging to others and to Christ.
Lastly, I want to extend my invitation to you to consider joining the family of Biking for Babies this year.
No, we are not perfect like the Holy Family, but it is a family of immense love and joy.
It is a family where, through our brokenness, we support each other.
It is a family that helps people find connections to local pregnancy resource centers and prays sincerely for each other when called upon to do so.
It is a family that has funny inside jokes and a group chat that blows up every other day.
It is a family doing everything it can to help women in unexpected and difficult pregnancies find a family that will love and support her and the child she bears.
Just like real family life, it is a family that will ask you to sacrifice, to put others first, and to commit to daily conversions to Christ’s invitation to follow His footsteps to the cross.
Please pray and consider joining us, this is an earthly family that cannot get too big.
