“A mother, riding on a city bus, Kids are yelling, kicking up a fuss;
Everybody’s staring, not knowing, What she’s going through;
Somebody said, “Don’t you even care, Do you let ’em do that everywhere”
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said, “Please forgive them, But they’ve been up all night
Their father struggled, But he finally lost his fight, He went to heaven in the middle of the night
So please forgive my children”Everybody’s busy with their own situation, Everybody’s lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up, Trying to make a dream come true
Everybody’s living like there ain’t no tomorrow, Maybe we should stop and take a little time
‘Cause you never really know
What your neighbor’s going through”
– They Don’t Understand by Sawyer Brown
———
This is a country song I’ve heard on the radio or my playlist in my car many times. Every time I hear it, I look at the people in the cars around me and wonder: What is their life like? That man talking on his phone, is it his boss? Wife? Kids? Girlfriend? Are they talking about finances? A relative? Last week’s football game? I don’t know, but it leads me to think about their lives.
In today’s culture, the practice of “thinking” about people’s lives instead of KNOWING about their lives is rampant. We login to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. and see little snippets of our “friends’” lives. But, we don’t understand. What pictures aren’t being posted? And when someone “complains” about their lives via social media, how many of us shrug it off or think to ourselves, “why would they put that on here? That’s not even worth complaining about!” or “*insert name* is always just complaining about his/her life, I might as well unfriend/unfollow them!”
In the day-and-age when we are so “connected,” we have undoubtedly disconnected ourselves from our neighbors and even our friends actual lives. But here is the truth: we NEED to understand, and we NEED to be invested and involved in other’s lives. Not in a nosy-neighbor sort of way; but in a loving and caring way where we offer our prayers, insight, encouragement, and resources to lend a hand to the situations that we don’t understand.
Why? “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 That’s why. I firmly believe that life’s problems are meant to be solved by a community, a parish, a family, and not by an individual. I have a personal story, one that is not easy to share, but one that reminds me the importance of trying to understand the situations of those around me:
——–
In 2015, I was in Chapel Hill, NC where I studied for my Master’s degree. I was far away from immediate family and long time friends. I brought along with me my very pregnant wife and our son. One December day, I received a phone call I wouldn’t wish upon anyone: a call from my wife – from the back of an ambulance. I can’t tell you all that she said; the only words she kept repeating was that she was sorry. I didn’t know what had happen to my son, all I knew is that I needed to get to Duke Hospital as fast as I could – which wouldn’t be very fast on the bike that I use to commute to work. Tears welled up in my eyes, and a classmate of mine next to me asked what was wrong. I told her I needed to go to the hospital now. She dropped everything, and we drove to the hospital. To see your pregnant wife in bloody clothes, laying on a stretcher is surreal and life changing. To hear the doctor talk about life and death for your wife and unborn child is…well, words really cannot do it justice and it is truthfully not the point of this story. All you need to know is that it was the single most scarring, fearful, and psychologically damaging moment of my life. But in this moment the people around me did everything they could to understand my situation and lend more than a helping hand.
It is worth mentioning that I had only known my classmates and coworkers for only a few months. We were from across the country with different backstories, beliefs, goals, fears, and dreams. Without asking, they found a way into my apartment to get a car seat, watched my son (who walked away with a few scratches), brought my wife good wishes and gifts, and did more for my family than could be expected. But the truly amazing thing happened a few weeks after the car crash when everything seemed normal, even though I was not normal.
My wife worked late every Wednesday night, and her first night back was very difficult for me. Throughout the weeks following the accident, one of my classmates kept checking in with me and which gave her the insight to know that I was struggling mentally with my wife working late. Her and her husband came over for the first couple of Wednesdays to play games and keep my mind from going to very dark places. It took a month or 2, but I was finally able to be home alone while my wife was working.
It was because of their sincere concerns and conversations that my classmates knew my struggles. I know that I am blessed beyond measure with the family and friends in my life, and I know many do not have that. In fact, I’d say that because of our growing disconnect with our neighbors and further engulfment of lives lived through social media, the courses my classmates, coworkers, and family took that day and weeks to follow bordered on the line of heroism.
——-
My charge for you is to insert yourself into 1 or 2 lives. Maybe you are already friends, co-workers, or near acquaintances, but take the time to really get to know them. Put the phone down, close your computer and have a conversation. And look for your neighbor’s burden that you can carry. I wholeheartedly believe that if more people took time and sincere interested in other’s lives that abortion would be a thing of the past. Imagine how many more children would see their birth, and many more days to come, if their mother was loved and supported through an incredibly difficult time. You want to be pro-life? Then insert yourself INTO other’s lives; be a driving force of good and charity! You’ll never know what your neighbor is going through if you do not strive to understand their life.
If you looked at me through a car window, you never would’ve known the pain I was going through. Just like you may not understand the true pain or suffering the person next to you is going through…unless you ask.
